Comments on: Meeting others when you are a single parent

By: Dating News: Break-Up Depression, Single Parent Advice, and Fish | LRR Online Dating Guide | Dating Advice and Tips

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 04:01:35 +0000

[...] Meeting Others When You Are Single Parent A single dad is concerned with ways to meet single women when they seem so rare. I really liked this advice because so often advice givers are far more concerned with being right than they are with helping the person seeking help but this advice is open and straight-forward. The article and it’s comments offer different ideas all worth reading. [...]

By: xtinaznap

xtinaznap — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:24:46 +0000

Oh, I just thought of one more thing that might help…when I was single, I was a teacher and there were very slim-pickings in the workplace. But a couple of years ago I started working for a nonprofit…and I discovered something I wish I had known when I was single. Volunteering for nonprofit events is a great way to meet people! I’ve met more single men (and women) at events – doing bike parking for the Sonoma County Bicycle Coalition, volunteering at the Gran Fondo, helping at a refresher station at a local triathalon or cycle-cross race….events where you find active, committed people in a wide age-range but not necessarily on the “older” side, since events are on weekends and in the evenings. I’ve mentioned all cycling-related events since that is what I’m involved in, but there are probably lots of others too. And some events can be kid-friendly and a great way to get your son-daughter involved in something meaningful too.

By: xtinaznap

xtinaznap — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:14:44 +0000

I totally empathize with single dad…I could have written the EXACT same letter myself, as a single mom a few years back. I was single for six years beginning when my son was 2 years old, and not for lack of trying to meet someone – at least for the latter 3-4 years. During this time period, I had quite a few first and 2nd dates – mostly through match.com. I did meet one guy on a group hike, and another at a bar, and another at a work picnic…but nothing lasting came of it. Since I worked full time, lived in a somewhat rural part of Santa Rosa, and am on the more introverted side, I wasn’t offered a huge number of opportunities to meet people. People would tell me to do things I enjoy – hiking groups, book clubs, classes, etc….and I would do that….but I just never ended up meeting anyone special that way….maybe I was unlucky or maybe I was just too shy. I really did not enjoy the online dating process at all, but doing it did increase my opportunities for meeting people, and gave me a modicum of control over who I got to meet (i.e. the screening process). I agree with the people who say to just keep doing things you enjoy, because meeting someone is just one of those things that can happen anytime…particularly when you are relaxed about it….and sometimes you can meet someone through another person, etc. But the truth is, when I finally did meet someone – also a single dad who happens to be the love of my life, who I am now married to….it was online. It was totally random. After years of on and off match.com, I posted on Craig’s list. I had looked at Craig’s list on and off over the years, and always thought – no…too many weirdos. But then a guy-friend of mine told me he had once posted on Craig’s list and I thought…well, he’s someone I’d want to date if he was single, maybe I could give it a try. So one day I decided what the heck. And I spur of the moment created a post that was just totally up front and honest, about who I was and what I was looking for. And my now-husband saw it and thought….this woman seems real, I want to meet her. He had never met ANYONE online before, and he was single for 4 years. In fact (unlike me), he had not even dated for those 4 years. And so he emailed me, and we met a few days later, and we fell in love within a month. We’ve been together four years and it just keeps getting better. We were just the right people for each other, and we probably would NEVER have met if I hadn’t posted on Craig’s list. So, my advice is…go out and do things you like, but keep trolling the online sites for a post that looks and feels genuine, like someone you’d really like and want to meet. And when you see a post like that, email that person and hopefully she’ll email back so you can strike up a correspondence. And make sure you see a picture of her (and vice versa) and that this picture is attractive to you, because if it isn’t, you won’t find her attractive in person….(believe me, I know this from experience). And make sure that when you write to each other, it feels honest and real. And then meet her not too long after you’ve started writing, because no reason to waste time writing with someone who you don’t click with or feel an attraction to in person….if you’re going to like each other, you’ll like each other, whether it is after a week of emails or a month of emails. A couple of other rules for online dating….do not consider dating anyone who is “separated” and be a bit more cautious of anyone who has been single for less than a year or who has been in multiple short-term relationships. I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule, but I think that what optimisticskeptic wrote above is totally true…it takes time to reflect on what did not work in a relationship, and to realize what YOU need to give and what you need to get in a healthy relationship….and then to appreciate that when you find it.

And for all you men and women out there who are posting online. Be real for god’s sake….because otherwise you are wasting your own and everyone else’s time.

By: optimisticskeptic

optimisticskeptic — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:00:27 +0000

It is great to hear a single dad having the same challenge as a single mom! I too tried the online dating sites, and did meet some great people. However, I agree, that dating someone who did not have kids made it very hard for them to understand sharing time. Additionally, meeting a single dad who shared parenting values seems almost impossible!

Currently, I am in a “by-choice” no dating zone. I say this because of the lack of intellect I have had in choosing men the past few years. I decided to really spend time alone, or with good friends and family to truly observe what healthy relationships look like and then ask successful couples what their secrets are.

What I am learning, unfortunately, is that there are a vast amount of unhappily married, or trapped boyfriend/girlfriend victims. True to form they wait for something better, then move on, instead of ending an unhealthy situation and taking a time out to clear their mental slate. So they never actually get to be happy, just consistently, temporarily, transitory.

So what makes a person who has sought out finding themselves, working on their imperfections, readying themselves for a healthy relationship so rare???? My answer: not enough people appreciate what it takes to contribute to a healthy relationship – they just enjoy leeching off of those who have it together, sucking them dry, then running on to the next happy, wholesome giving person.

What would be nice, is for there to be a public forum, similar to speed dating, but without the “speed” for people to meet, be provided with well researched methods of getting to know a person, and a pleasant place to meet them in, devoid of cougars, players, couch potatoes, sugar mama/daddy hunters, and bipolar psychos.

Perhaps the answer to this challenge is in the question – we need to create such a place!

By: The importance of being a great parent for the first 5 years! | Parenting Help in Minnesota

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:30:14 +0000

[...] Meeting others when you are a single parent â?? Wine Country Mom … [...]

By: Str4y

Str4y — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 14:41:28 +0000

WC Mom is pretty much on target with this advice, IMHO. Go do things you like doing and you are likely to meet someone with similar interests. Not only that, but until you do, you will be spending time doing something you enjoy. You like cooking? Take a cooking class and perhaps you will reach for the whole-wheat pasta just as your dream girl or guy does the same. Like fresh air and exercise? Maybe the person you are meant to spend your life with is just around the next bend of the trail…but you won’t find out if you are frantically searching a noisy, crowded club for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

I think that the number-one thing I have noticed about good relationships in my own life, however, is that when you are hunting for them, they are elusive, but when you relax and stop stressing, you may turn a corner and run head-long into the person just right for you. (This is especially true if you have recently made any kind of long-term plan with which getting into a new relationship will interfere.) I know it may seem like time is running out and you just have to meet the right person right now, but if you relax and enjoy the ride, just be yourself and do the things you enjoy doing, honestly, you’ll be happier, more relaxed, more confident. Potential partners won’t be clung to as a last chance at happiness, or alternately, quickly compared to a mental checklist and discarded before you find out that though they might not have been what you thought you were looking for, they were what you needed.

And in further reiteration of WC Mom’s other point — yeah, my own mom always told me that if someone leaves the person they are with to be with you, there is a really good chance that they will turn around and do the same thing TO you down the road.

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:18:03 +0000

I have to agree with G. I’m a single mom and I’m finding it hard to find date as well. While reading his letter to you, a couple of things he wrote hit home for me. It is hard to find an unattached single dad. I tried the dating scene at the bars, clubs, and all I found were guys looking to party, not looking for a single mom. I was pretty much discouraged until I saw this. I am also interested in seeing what other readers have to say. I tried the online thing and met a couple of guys that seem to fizzle out when they realize how much I am devoted to my son. I definitely will agree with you when you said that “a woman is swept away by a man who cares for his child.” That to me and I’m sure other single moms as well as single women, makes them more attractive in my eyes.