Dog Poop
Yesterday I had to stop at Target for a few things during a brief moment of kid-free time. You wouldn’t believe how enjoyable it is just to peruse the aisles of a store, taking in pieces of eye candy like colorful plates or different sizes of Tupperware when you have no kids around to complain about how bored they are. You wouldn’t believe it unless you have gone shopping with kids before. I had just rounded the Halloween candy display and was making my way into the center aisle when right in front of me was a Service Dog and his owner. Now, Service Dogs are not an uncommon sight, so I wasn’t really alarmed by his presence. What I was alarmed by was the fact that this dog seemed reluctant to go forward as his owner tugged at the leash. And then, even more alarming, I realized that this dog wasn’t just hesitant in going forward, it was squatting. Yes, that’s right. The Service Dog was just about to take off a huge load in the middle of the Target aisle. I was floored, unable to do anything else but just stand there with a gaping mouth, hidden in the snacks aisle as the owner patiently waited for his dog to finish before walking off down the aisle.
I had never seen anything like this before. It was obvious that this was a newbie Service Dog, probably on one of its first outings as a working dog in training. But not being a dog owner, it just never occurred to me that a dog might have an accident in the middle of Target. And even more shocking – that his owner would just leave it there. Coming out from the safety of my candy aisle, I could see down the lane that this had not been the dog’s first stop. He had relieved himself a few yards down and left an even larger pile. A lady who had just passed the little mountain had the same look of disbelief on her face.
“Can you believe that?” she asked me. “If there was a service phone somewhere, I’d call someone.”
“I know,” I agreed, disgusted now by the smell that was wafting from the various steaming mounds. “Just awful,” I said, shaking my head.
And that’s when the owner piped in behind me.
“I’m coming back, I just need to find something to clean it up with.” And red-faced, all I could do was disappear down the next aisle without even looking back.
I was suddenly catapulted into his shoes. He was totally helpless as his dog took a dump in the middle of the Target aisle in between Halloween candy and bras. As the dog sat there doing his business, the owner was patient and even comforted the dog quietly as the poor animal ashamedly looked around. And it was true, just standing next to the results would not get it cleaned up. He was on his own, and he was the only one who had to take charge of the situation.
And there I was, passing judgment on a situation that would have been out of anyone’s hands. And it reminded me of times as a single parent, or even as the only parent in charge, and having to deal with situations that arose with the kids while trying to ignore everyone else’s scrutiny so as to not make a stressful situation even more stressful. A temper tantrum in the supermarket, a leaking diaper when the errands are only half done, a kid who suddenly wants to show everyone his doodle, a kid who breaks away and makes me run after her when I’m 7 months pregnant, gum in the hair, spilled soda on the person in front of me, a toddler being brought home by the police, spit up on my shirt, whining, crying, screaming, yelling, begging, pleading……
I think a common feeling as a parent is, “Jeez, what is everyone thinking while my kid is acting like this? Everyone thinks I’m a bad parent.” Some people understand, and a glance around will reveal looks of sympathy for a mom trying to calm an inconsolable child. But in that same look, disapproval is also apparent.
“If you were my kid, I’d get you that balloon,” an elderly lady said to my toddler with tears staining his cheeks and a hiccup in his throat after I told him NO, firmly for the third time. What she didn’t know is that any balloon that went in my car was used as a weapon against his sister next to him, and would float up to the front of the car so it would obstruct my view as I drove. What she also didn’t know is that I was at my wit’s end with his antics that day, having had to fight him on every single action. I was not about to reward him with a balloon.
“The problem with kids these days is that they don’t get spanked enough,” a kidless guest told a friend of mine after his son backtalked him at the dinner table. What this guest didn’t understand is that any major repercussion would result in a much bigger war than a simple reminder that talking like that was not acceptable – that a spanking would erupt into yelling, door slamming, an angry wife, and a ruined dinner party.
“That baby should not be using a pacifier,” when it’s the only thing that is keeping him from soothing himself on his mom’s boob.
“That mother should not be breastfeeding her child if he’s asking for it,” when it is a comfort to both the child and the mother.
“She must not talk to her daughter enough if she’s still not saying any words at 15 months,” when the child doesn’t seem to have the need to use words yet and refuses to speak.
“My friend is a horrible housekeeper,” when she has been up every night with a colicky baby and is too exhausted to even think about folding laundry.
About a year ago, I was at my wit’s end over my kids who were going through a phase of not listening. I felt like an awful mom because although I loved my kids, I was having a really hard time liking them. So it was a surprise when a reader of my old blog privately emailed me. “It’s clear that you have a big heart and you love and sacrifice for your kids. Your kids are lucky to have you.” It’s funny how much power those simple words had. They helped to give the boost I needed to remember again why I was doing this, and WHO I was doing this for.
It’s easy for others to judge when they aren’t educated in the back story. And we can be guilty of it as well. But it’s unfair when we aren’t walking in that person’s shoes, when we aren’t the ones dealing with the screaming son, the headstrong teenage daughter….or the owner of a nervous, loose bowelled dog. It’s better to remember that a kind word reaches much farther than a disapproving look ever will.
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Do you have a family-friendly weekend event coming up? Email me the details and photos (if you have them) to crissi@santarosamom.com the Wednesday before your event to be included in Santa Rosa Mom’s Best Bets for the Weekend blog!
Single-parenting it since 2004.
“any major repercussion would result in a much bigger war than a simple reminder that talking like that was not acceptable – that a spanking would erupt into yelling, door slamming, an angry wife, and a ruined dinner party.”
Sounds like someone who should have never had a family. If a couple has their act that poorly together, where one parent would not support the other *ALWAYS* in front of kids or guests, and who are incapable of disciplining for fear or “ruining a dinner party” then they shouldn’t reproduce.
by Dan
Tooooo true!
by heather
Oh, by which I meant Crissi’s post…
I hate the Mommy Patrol who constantly judge everything, along with usually clueless (though well-meaning) outsiders who try to interfere.
Great parents are seldom perfect. And in that imperfection hopefully we teach our children humility, patience, compassion and a little humor. Something Dan could use.
by heather
now, just how hard would it have been to have stepped forward, and helped the poor guy out just a little bit? sheeeesh.
by gr8nsmall
Poignant and elegant, as always, Crissi. Humble, compassionate, and graced with a knack for observation. (By the way, nobody has the right to say whether or not someone should or should not have children. That would be a natural, God-given right. I think those comments were not only unnecessary and inappropriate, but completely cruel.) Shame on you for feeling the need to spout off your own personal agenda when this is a community promoting unity, tolerance and shared parenting experiences.
by Erica
Dan, I want to comment on your insight, but all I will say is that you are very lucky to have a marriage where there seems to be utter harmony 100% of the time, along with perfectly behaved children who cause you no stress. I’m happy for you.
Gr8nsmall, you make a good point. The noble thing would have been to help the poor guy out. Unfortunately I had stuck my foot so far into my mouth that all I could do was run away like a coward. I am pleased to report, however, that the Target staff was on it, and were more than willing to help a guy out with his mess. Kudos to the Santa Rosa Target team for going above what their training manuals told them they’d have to deal with. You guys rock!
Now, back to the actual point of this entry……
by WineCountry.Mom
Hey, poop happens
Kudos to you for the strength of your self-reflection. What this situation reminded me of is the dude out in (Georgia?) who felt it was his bystander’s civic duty to “shut up” a woman’s crying toddler by slapping her silly. Still no word on his fate. Bottom line; people always think they know. But they. Just. Don’t. Know.
by Matt the Bat
Matt, I heard about that one! Seriously shocking. I know of several mothers who would have unleashed some serious fury on him if he touched their child like that, this one included.
by WineCountry.Mom
That poor dog !!!
by unnamed
I love how you can draw insight from what was an awkward and uncomfortable situation and turn it into a humorous story then somehow segue into parenting and scrutiny…. Nice to see so many comments on one entry! Opinions are funny we all have them – we all pass judgment too – without even thinking about it. I am as guilty as the rest of “jumping to conclusions” or voicing my opinion… almost to a fault. Too many times have I spouted off before getting all the facts straight or looking at a situation from a different angle only to be left in that awkward uncomfortable place wiping egg off my face…. Unfortunately parenting doesn’t come with a user’s manual. Sure there are many resources available but, in the day to day grind we often find ourselves acting on instinct just like the dog — business had to be done…LOL!
Your blog reminded me of something I used to do virtually every day that made me feel good. I would try and do at least one good deed for someone without seeking recognition – opening a door for someone, letting someone merge without cussing at them…. The dog story reminds me of how easy it is to remain an observer of a situation rather than see what we may be able to do to help. Kudos for coming out from the candy aisle and avoiding a slip…. that would have been disastrous!
I enjoy how you can take a moment to reflect on an event and see how it could be used as a learning experience or, better yet, a blog about parenting….. Fricken genius I’d say. Much of parenting is about consistency. This includes reward and discipline. Each parent has their own right to discipline in their own way, and yes, unfortunately there are far too many kids out there whose parents aren’t responsible and let there kids do whatever. I shudder to think where the world will be with so many spoiled brats running rampant. I have to watch myself too and tow the line when I evoke punishment… Oh the joys of parenting…. NO MORE VIDEO GAMES! What a better world we would have without them!
by shawn
I use a service dog and had a similar incident happen in a WalMart. My dog started taking medication and I didn’t know it would make her sick. I was mortified.My husband got some paper towels and disinfectant. We cleaned it up.No one yelled at us. The employees basically ignored us. When I got home I called the manager to thank her for handling the situation so graciously. She said, “Don’t worry. I’ve had people throw up, kids lose poop from their diapers, and yesterday while I was walking my own dog, he lifted his leg and peed on a complete stranger’s leg.
You have no idea how grateful service dog users are for this kind of understanding. I have no kids but assume parents feel the same way when their kids do something that embarrasses them. So thanks again for your understanding and ability to be compassionate.
by cissy
Massively harsh on the puppy fau paux. Mouths are not intended to hold feet and so they fit rather uncomfortably.
Regarding the rest…just wanted to contribute my $.02…
What even the most well-meaning busybody seems not to realize or to forget (along with ‘butt out’) is that everybody is different — different ideals, different personalities. This is true for parents and children alike. What works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another…I, for example, always folded under a ‘mom stare’ and a good dose of guilt. I was helpless before it. But a friend of mine in high school had a SERIOUS temper problem (something she still struggles with to this day) and as a teen she got into some VERY serious arguments with her family and with a few friends of the family. The tactics that worked on me wouldn’t have worked on her. Some kids are serious and need to be taken seriously. Some are drama queens that need to be given the time to swoon and cry and rail against the cruelty of the world and get over it. Some parents spank, some don’t believe in it — and they will probably each swear up and down that the other is disciplining their children incorrectly–but they are each doing what works for them…and sometimes they will choose wrong or get upset or not know how to deal with a situation, because, like everything in life, being a parent is a learning process…and you can look on and think ‘well, I would have handled that much better’ all you want…and if that parent sees the wisdom in your eyes and prostrates him or herself on the floor in front of you and asks what to do, feel free to share that wisdom. But if they don’t, SHUT THE HECK UP and let them figure it out themselves.
by Str4y
I remember reading a story long ago about a photographer traveling around the country looking for photo-ops. He saw a man sitting in a chair on his front porch and reaching down the steps to his garden with a long hoe. “Ah,” he thought, “the perfect opportunity to show one man’s incredible laziness. He can’t even be bothered to get up to work in the garden.” The photographer took a few steps to the side to better angle the photo, and as he looked into the lens, saw a completely different perspective. The man on the porch was sitting in a wheelchair, striving to keep his garden weed-free in spite of his disability. Instead of laziness, the photographer saw courage and determination.
We all need to step back, take a second look and realize that jumping to conclusions before we know the whole story isn’t fair. Instead of getting angry at a crying kid, realize the mom is probably at her wits’ end and embarassed to boot. She needs our sympathy, not a lecture on how to discipline her kid (or someone who would dare to admimister discipline in her stead.) A dog (or a toddler) pooping in the aisles? Offer to get some cleanup supplies so the owner/parent can stay to comfort the accident maker and warn others to avoid the mess.
I know I’ve been in situations that were horribly embarrassing, and where harsh words made it that much worse. But an offer of help, even if it was only in the form of a kind word, was all I needed to realize that I wasn’t alone.
by WCMom's Mom