There have always been moments in my life when I felt like I couldn’t handle anymore. And there was one day last year that was no exception. Work had been crazy with numerous deadlines and unexpected complications. And to add to that, I felt a lifetime of guilt weighted on my shoulders over being forced to work several hours overtime, forced to beg my parents to pick my son up from daycare. And by the time I’d finally been able to get the kids, we were just in time for their bedtime. Situations with the ex was caused me anxiety. Money was never enough and gas was only going higher. Several bills had to be paid late just to ensure there was enough for rent. Time was the only thing tighter than money judging by my laundry pile and the towels that had been sitting in the dryer for a week.

In short, I’d been feeling it. And my kids were feeding off it. Their bickering amongst each other had gone from bad to worse. When times get like this, it is hard to even think about the future without thinking, “you silly girl, how the heck can you even pretend your kids will be going to college or that you can really get their teeth straightened, or that you will ever get out of this cramped apartment into a real home?” I was more tired, and was groggier in the mornings. And there were times after dropping the kids off at school that I had to fight the urge to not keep driving straight to the ocean rather than take the off-ramp to work.

That early spring morning, the sky was foggy with a slight mist that would break away later for rainclouds. I got up to take a shower, and then put the coffee on. The misty morning made the house feel cozy. I let the kids sleep in 10 minutes before coaxing them awake. Neither one wanted to move, but eventually they did. We all settled into the routine of getting ready for school and work.

I wore my slippers and my favorite sweatshirt over my work clothes as I got them in the car and drove them to school. Merging into the traffic by my house is a daily adventure, and it went smoother than usual.

“Mom, I really like your new purse,” my daughter said out of the blue.

I looked down at the new bag I had bought the day before. It was made of red and orange saris with mirrored jewels on it, and it had a nice fat strap that slung over my shoulder easily. It was big enough to carry my notebook, a book, my wallet, and other various items should I be caught in the wilderness for days at a time. The bright colors made me happy. And seeing that bag reminded me of shopping for it at Cost Plus on my lunch break the day before, and how happy it had made me to go down each aisle, one by one, stimulating myself visually.

“Hey, what are some of the things that make you happy?” I asked my daughter. “Things around here or that we do,” I added.

“You go first. I need an idea.”

“Well, my new bag makes me happy. And bright colors. And eating at ethnic restaurants makes me happy, like Indian or Chinese food in a decorative place.”

“Not going to school makes me happy,” my son chimed in from the backseat. We all laughed.

“Yeah, weekends make me happy too,” I said.

“Sleeping in,” said my daughter.

“Sitting by the fireplace with a cup of coffee on a rainy day makes me happy,” I said.

“Going to Aroma’s makes me happy,” said my daughter. We all agreed.

Soon, happy thoughts were flying through the van like wildfire. We were all smiling and laughing, thinking of more and more things that made us feel all warm and good inside. I dropped my son off first, then my daughter after a few more happy thoughts (“Now let’s talk about the things that make us unhappy,” she said. “No,” I replied. “Let’s stick to the happy.”). And I drove back home to finish getting ready for work (and take my slippers off in favor of some real shoes). And I realized something. The weight on my shoulders was lifting. And in its place a lightness was growing that I had been missing for a while. And I actually looked forward to work. Just to add to my happiness, I kept the sweatshirt on, just because it was comfy.

All those good thoughts must have passed my car and met me at work. When I got there, one of my coworkers had left me a bag of assorted croissants just because he knew I was having a rough week. And I realized something as I bit into the one with chocolate pieces. Croissants make me happy. So does chocolate.

Things that make us happy.
by Wine Country Mom and Kids.

Farmers markets. Driving with good music on the radio (“Like right now,” my daughter said). The ocean. San Diego. The sound of trumpets. The rain. The sun. Disneyland. Writing. A good book. Sleeping in. Really, really good Blues (“NO Blues,” my lovely daughter interjected). Fruit salad. Homegroup. Dancing. Singing. Quiet moments. Hot showers. Swimming at the Flamingo Hotel. BBQ’s. Bear hugs. Puppies. New clothes. Climbing trees. Riding bikes. Laughing. Dessert. Video games. Robes and slippers. Popcorn. Dragonflies. Seashells. Hot tubs. Jack Johnson. Candles. A clean house. Home-cooked meals. Soup. Jasmine Green Tea. The newspaper. Family movie nights. 95.9 the Krush. Scandia. Avatar the Last Airbender. Songs sung by men that glorify their woman (alright, that was purely me). Poems. Love. Christmas. Flowers. Unexpected gifts just because. Letters in the mail. The sound of bullfrogs in the creek. Hiking in the Bennett Valley hills. Spring Lake. Soccer. Downtown Santa Rosa. Paper lanterns. Tiki torches. Camping. Bonfires. Acoustic guitars. Spring. Apple blossoms. Gardening (or at least the idea of it…..). Sugarloaf. The fair. Jumping houses. Birthday parties. Slumber parties. Any party. Porch swings. Silly traveling car games.

……being in the moment.

What does your happy list look like?

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