Comments on: Teenagers: A Mom’s Lament http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/10396/teenagers-a-moms-lament/ Doing the single parent thing since 2004. This is the story of us. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:59:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Str4y http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/10396/teenagers-a-moms-lament/comment-page-1/#comment-240 Str4y Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:30:01 +0000 http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/?p=10396#comment-240 RE: pumpykinmom I have to put my vote in for the friend/parent combo. My parents (especially my mom) always talked to me and was very open with information about the world, including the ever famous S,D & RR. The dangers and negative sides of these things were explained to me, and I things like alcohol weren't forbidden -- there was some in the house and if I wanted to try it, that was fine. Not being off-limits, it never even tempted me. My mom and dad both talked to me about the hijinx THEY got up to back when they were young. My mom and I would often hang out and talk for hours or go on walks together and chat about life. And, when it was necessary, she would put her foot down and discipline me for bad behavior. I never saw her as some push-over that was more concerned with being my friend than being my mom, but she was also someone I could talk to about pretty much anything and could trust to answer me honestly...it made me want to be worthy of that honesty. RE: pumpykinmom

I have to put my vote in for the friend/parent combo. My parents (especially my mom) always talked to me and was very open with information about the world, including the ever famous S,D & RR. The dangers and negative sides of these things were explained to me, and I things like alcohol weren’t forbidden — there was some in the house and if I wanted to try it, that was fine. Not being off-limits, it never even tempted me. My mom and dad both talked to me about the hijinx THEY got up to back when they were young. My mom and I would often hang out and talk for hours or go on walks together and chat about life.
And, when it was necessary, she would put her foot down and discipline me for bad behavior. I never saw her as some push-over that was more concerned with being my friend than being my mom, but she was also someone I could talk to about pretty much anything and could trust to answer me honestly…it made me want to be worthy of that honesty.

]]> By: Xyzzy http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/10396/teenagers-a-moms-lament/comment-page-1/#comment-239 Xyzzy Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:35:36 +0000 http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/?p=10396#comment-239 Sounds like pretty normal teenage behavior to me... My brother & I spent all of our free time on a computer writing or game-playing (or chatting, in his case) at 13. We spent less time that way at Dad's house because we felt respected, trusted, and understood; Mom often treated us like small children. Your friend might want to talk to his friends' parents about what they let their kids do, to make sure he isn't reacting to being overly restricted. Anyway, we were never interested in drugs/alcohol/cigarettes because we had friends & the electronics. Trying to sneak them back when we got in trouble was a teen rebellion thing, not addiction... In contrast, here's a good symptom list for psychological addiction: http://tr.im/psychaddiction That said, Dad's live-in-GF's son started out with similar behavior, but then became sullen -- and soon started getting in in increasingly nasty trouble. They eventually sent him to a 6-week psych camp for troubled kids, then kept all electronics in the living room & required he spend evenings out there with them. He came back a happy/good kid (he loved the camp) and thankfully stayed that way. Sounds like pretty normal teenage behavior to me… My brother & I spent all of our free time on a computer writing or game-playing (or chatting, in his case) at 13. We spent less time that way at Dad’s house because we felt respected, trusted, and understood; Mom often treated us like small children. Your friend might want to talk to his friends’ parents about what they let their kids do, to make sure he isn’t reacting to being overly restricted.

Anyway, we were never interested in drugs/alcohol/cigarettes because we had friends & the electronics. Trying to sneak them back when we got in trouble was a teen rebellion thing, not addiction… In contrast, here’s a good symptom list for psychological addiction:
http://tr.im/psychaddiction

That said, Dad’s live-in-GF’s son started out with similar behavior, but then became sullen — and soon started getting in in increasingly nasty trouble. They eventually sent him to a 6-week psych camp for troubled kids, then kept all electronics in the living room & required he spend evenings out there with them. He came back a happy/good kid (he loved the camp) and thankfully stayed that way.

]]> By: pumpykinmom http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/10396/teenagers-a-moms-lament/comment-page-1/#comment-238 pumpykinmom Mon, 17 Aug 2009 22:49:41 +0000 http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/?p=10396#comment-238 I am mother of two teens age 17 and 19. What I have observed with my kids and their friends is that they all go through the same stuff. Most parents I believe did the same stuff but now don't see it. It starts in jr high when they have to start dealing with the pressure of fitting in. The only thing that matters is their social status. I think that this is the hardest chapter of our lives, and the hardest part of being a parent. I'll take the terrible two's over a teen anyday! The most important thing is understanding that just because it isn't important to us, it might be to them. Pick your battles. Talk to them even when they don't want to talk. Take time to know their friends. I know they say that you can't be their friend and their parent, but you really can be both. A overly strict parent leads to a kid sneaking around and hiding, and usually doesn't stop them from doing it. If its a matter of safety you should stand strong and explain your reasons. They may still be mad, but at least they will understand your reasoning for your decision and makes them think about it from a different perspective. I also praise them for doing the right thing or being honest with me, even when they don't get what they want. If you respect them, they will respect you. Thats really what trust is. And eventually, they do grow up. Thank God! I am mother of two teens age 17 and 19. What I have observed with my kids and their friends is that they all go through the same stuff. Most parents I believe did the same stuff but now don’t see it. It starts in jr high when they have to start dealing with the pressure of fitting in. The only thing that matters is their social status. I think that this is the hardest chapter of our lives, and the hardest part of being a parent. I’ll take the terrible two’s over a teen anyday! The most important thing is understanding that just because it isn’t important to us, it might be to them. Pick your battles. Talk to them even when they don’t want to talk. Take time to know their friends. I know they say that you can’t be their friend and their parent, but you really can be both. A overly strict parent leads to a kid sneaking around and hiding, and usually doesn’t stop them from doing it. If its a matter of safety you should stand strong and explain your reasons. They may still be mad, but at least they will understand your reasoning for your decision and makes them think about it from a different perspective. I also praise them for doing the right thing or being honest with me, even when they don’t get what they want. If you respect them, they will respect you. Thats really what trust is. And eventually, they do grow up. Thank God!

]]> By: Mom of Teens http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/10396/teenagers-a-moms-lament/comment-page-1/#comment-229 Mom of Teens Sun, 16 Aug 2009 22:09:21 +0000 http://winecountrymom.blogs.santarosamom.com/?p=10396#comment-229 Hello there - You could agree to set Parental Control limits on the games so he has some playing time, and a lot of time away from the computer. Is the game World of Warcroft? My son was doing the same thing, and we agreed to limit his playing time to a few hours a day, which I still think is excessive but that's our compromise. Good luck - Mom of Teens Hello there –
You could agree to set Parental Control limits on the games so he has some playing time, and a lot of time away from the computer. Is the game World of Warcroft? My son was doing the same thing, and we agreed to limit his playing time to a few hours a day, which I still think is excessive but that’s our compromise. Good luck – Mom of Teens

]]>