This weekend was dedicated to regrouping. Mr. Wonderful and I met up on Saturday after all of our kids were with their other parent. We had not been able to have kid free time for weeks, nor had we really been able to spend much time together because of camp and the busyness of our lives. So the anticipation of some actual quiet time together was overwhelming. We decided to start our Regrouping Weekend with a massage booked at our favorite spa, and then head out to the ocean to experience a half hour of quiet – no speaking for a full hour as we cleared our minds of all the junk that had been littering it for too much time.

We were practically jello as we drove up the coast after our massages. My eyelids drooped heavily as it neared 7 pm, and I seriously questioned why it was we were doing this. But it had been my idea to start with. I have been so on the go for so long, and even when I relax my mind is going a mile a minute. I’ve been feeling like I have been working too hard and getting nothing done, which is the full truth of it. My house is a pigsty, a constant array of chaos resulting from one trip to the next. Ideas for work are piling up in a notebook, going nowhere but between the lines of an orange journal. I have not conversed with friends, I mean really reached out to them, in I don’t even know how long. But the guilt remains as I try and sit quietly only to have my mind still racing circles around me so that any relaxation time is spent in an exhausting frenzy. Day trips are planned then put off as I find things I need to do around the house, only to have them take three times as long and never finished before two whirlwind kids and our next door neighbor kid cast their tornadoes and do their worst.

I needed a vacation from the norm, away from everything I knew, and in a place where nothing could distract me. And judging by Mr. Wonderful’s past several busy weeks, I knew he did too. And what better place to do that than at an unpopulated beach, sitting among the dunes, staring out at the ocean?

When we got there, I stopped questioning the decision. The ocean air naturally perked both of us up as we changed into warmer clothes, grabbed our blankets, and made our way to the dunes. The intent was simple enough. Sit on the blanket, clear our minds, and be silent for 30 minutes (alright, so we changed the intent to 1/2 hour.  Hey, it was getting late….). I looked at him and he looked at me.

“Starting…..now,” I said, and we zipped our lips. He sat for a moment before lying on his back. I stayed sitting and stared out at the ocean. A family of seals swam by and I followed their path until they were out of sight. Several pelicans took turns diving into the ocean for fish, avoiding the seagulls that tried to steal whatever they caught. And I stared at the waves, counting them one by one as I cleared my mind from everything that was bogging it down. And it worked….until wave three.

What if he thinks this is stupid? Maybe he’s just taking a nap, I thought of Mr. Wonderful. But I shook it out of my head and focused again. One wave, two waves, three waves….. What’s that out there? Is that a bird? Or is it a person? Do they need help? No, it’s bird. But what if it is a person? Stop it! One wave, two waves, three….. Is it still there? I wish it would just fly away so that I knew for sure that it was a bird. One wave, two waves, three waves…. I need to get to the gym. One wave, two waves, three waves, four………………… Oops, nodded off there. One wave, two waves….. What should we eat for dinner tonight? I wonder if he’ll want to go out to eat so that we don’t have to make dinner. I’m not really in the mood for cooking. Will he mind? I’m actually not even hungry right now. But the more I think about it, maybe I am hungry. Am I hungry or not? One wave, two waves, three waves…. It’s kind of cool how the seaweed is being grabbed by the waves so that I can see it traveling up and over the hump. Maybe that will help me focus. Four waves, five waves, six….. Is that another seal? No, it’s a bird. Is that bird/drowning human out there still? Yup, still there. Jeez, our time is probably almost up. He’s probably asleep. I wonder if he was able to clear his mind. I’m really bad at this. Maybe if I lie down too…..

Time.

“So, was your mind silent?” I asked him.

“What mind?” he joked. “It was. How about yours?”

“Not so good,” I admitted. “I kept trying, but it’s like I couldn’t shut up. How did you do it?”

“I took in all the scenery, focusing on where we were. And then once I was completely present, I laid back and closed my eyes, just focusing on the sound of the waves as they traveled from one end of the beach to the other.”

It seemed so simple, but I knew it took a lot of practice to be able to quiet the inner dialogue. And that was what I got out of it. With the faithful daily grind and two kids who needed my full attention, I was losing that part of me that was just…..me. Not a mom, not a worker, not a renter or a member of a political party. Not an Aerostar Van driver, not a music lover. Not a writer or a daughter or a sister or a girlfriend or an exwife. Not a chauffer or a soccer mom or a volunteer or a broke tax payer. Not anything but plain old, simple, stripped down me. What I got out of it was how apparent it was that I needed, that every mom needs, a moment of quiet solitude a day just to regroup and not be bogged down with a bunch of tasks. It will all be there when I get back to it. If it’s really weighing me down, I could even just get it out of my head by writing it down so I no longer need to think about it till I really need to.

So while I am practicing regrouping, I invite you to practice with me. Wake up earlier than anyone else, or take a few moments before bed, or employ your husband or a sitter to stay with the kids while you escape to a quiet place. Take in where you are and focus on just being present. For just that moment give yourself permission to forget the dishes and the laundry, the diaper rash and the colicky baby, the missed gym workout and everything else that overwhelms the reality of you. Refuse to feel guilty. It will all be there when you get back. Consider this your all expense paid vacation to escape from everything you HAVE to do.

Happy travels, and good luck to all of us.

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