There is a lesson in every moment with your child. There’s the lesson that milky cheerios will stick to the wall like superglue if not cleaned up immediately. There’s the lesson that if you don’t spell out chores for your child, they will not come up with the idea to clean by themselves. There’s the lesson that new jeans will have holes in the knees in two week’s time, and sooner if they are not on sale. And on that note, cheap shoes are more expensive in the long run as they will need to be replaced every three months. There’s the lesson that the dinners that take the longest to make will be picked at by your kid before you finally allow them to feed it to the dog. And there’s the lesson that whenever you are running late to get out the door, that is when your child will need to go to the bathroom…..the second kind.

And then there’s the lesson I learned today, the lesson that golf balls, 8 year olds, and the grandparents’ dual pane windows do not mix.

His grandpa had compromised with him – he couldn’t use the golf balls around the house, but tennis balls were ok. Unfortunately I hadn’t realized this when he put the golf ball on the ground and took a swing. The ball sat in a pocket of dirt, and I instructed him to move it up higher. We were far enough away from the house that it appeared no danger existed. And he just tapped the ball….perfectly.

Let’s stop the story right here and talk about my son and his uncanny ability with every sport he touches. Baseball, basketball, soccer, beer pong*, golf…. If it involves a ball, he’s on it, and he’s good at it. I wonder how Tiger Woods’s dad felt when Tiger hit his first ball and sent it sailing through the air. I’m pretty sure that it was nothing less than boastful pride.

My son brought the club back easily, swinging it down lightly in a smooth stroke so that it barely touched the ball. He didn’t even scrape the ground in the process. And that ball lifted up as if it had its own power, set sail in an impressive arc, and flew right at the bedroom window, landing with a dull thud against the house before falling to the ground. I was in my car, ready to leave for work, when it happened. And I prayed inwardly that it just hit the siding, that I could let my son off by just taking the golf club away to prevent future accidents, and then be on my way.

Of course, then I wouldn’t have a story to write, now would I?

The result was a half moon shaped hole in the glass of the dual pane windows. It was probably only an inch and a half. And it didn’t touch the glass on the other side. But I knew that my dad would be pissed, and the look on my son’s face confirmed that he knew it too.

Thing is, my dad was on a conference call in his home office. There was to be no interruptions. But I couldn’t just leave without telling him. I wrote out a letter explaining the situation and instructed my son to give it to him. But then I thought better of it. With my dad finding out from my son, there was no protection for him whatsoever. It was like sending a lamb to confer with a lion. So I did the next best thing. I called my mom and confessed the crime.

As kids, my mom was the buffer. If something really bad happened and there was no way to get around it, it was mom we went to. Don’t get me wrong, my mom would give us hell. But it was a different (read: way better) kind of hell than the hell my dad would reap on us for screwing up. We knew that my dad would have to find out one way or another, but it would go easier if my mom took the brunt of his reaction so that he would soften up by the time he got to us.

This was my hopes for my son.

I left a different note with my dad telling him to call my mom as soon as he was off the phone. Apparently those instructions failed, though. Before he could call my mom, he found out through my son who cannot hide something that big for a period of time longer than a minute. It is possible that my dad knew just by looking at his face. Last I checked, my son was read the riot act and then ordered to stack firewood as the first of many chores.(I can only imagine what my son is going through right now if I’m feeling more than nervous about going home and facing my dad. The mom in me wants to wrap him up and protect him. The parent in me knows that the not-so-pretty outcome from a smashed window is good for him.)

In the meantime, I have to find out how much it will cost to fix a dual pane window with aluminum casing (I’ve heard it runs around $500. Sigh…). Or I need to find someone who knows what they are doing to replace it for me for less.

At this point, I think I will save money once they are out of the house and I am just paying for their college.

*Speaking of college: Beer pong for kids only involves cider. Hey, it’s never too early to prep them for college, right?

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